Knowing that I only have $660 in spare change to my name, with all my bills coming due, and fresh off a loss at Atlantic City (which I didn't finish writing about in my previous blog), I took a trip to the Meadowlands Racetrack yesterday afternoon.
I have an on-line account there, so I figured I would put $400 of the $660 I had in my pocket and just go home and play very conservativly, knowing I could probably build it slowly with little bets. That did not happen.
The frustration of losing the first couple of races set in, and I increased my bets to try to recover and lost it all in less than an hour. And in my mind, when I made the deposit at the track, I told myself that I would come back and withdraw the $400 because I really needed it to pay bills. But all that inner advice went out the window when the betting began.
Now I lie here on my couch, watching TV, beating myself up once again wondering how I will survive. I have not worked in 2 years because I collect Social Security Disability and a Carpenter's Pension check every month. Together, they add up to $3400 per month net. When I moved out into my apartment, that amount could easily cover my monthly expenses. Little did I know that another bad move that I made in the past would come to haunt me.
I owe the IRS $159,000 . Now that sounds like a huge amount. Especially when I see commercials on TV claiming that even if you owe fifty thousand dollars, they can get it reduced. Never has one commercial even offered if it is as high as my debt. Yet, understand that my obligation has been inflated by 50% with the penalties and interest. So the true amount that I have not paid is half of that obscene figure.
Well, the IRS has levied both of my checks to the tune of $2000 per month combined, leaving me a paltry $1400 with which to live on each month. Which means that any money I have in my pocket I cannot afford to lose at gambling or foolish spending. I shake my head again just reading what I just wrote, knowing the stupid act I commited last night at the on-line horse races.
I am currently in negotiations (on my own) with the IRS, to alleviate some of the financial burden they have placed upon me. I feel I may get some consideration, yet they are really taking their time and every day my available income puts me closer and closer to a cardboard box on the street. Yet even this fear did not stop my foolishness in gambling. I am hoping these blogs will open my eyes someday.
In my next blog , I will tell a story of the death of my father, and the subsequent betrayal of my mother with the family business. A business that could have saved my financial future, but now lies beyond my grasp or control.
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